21 August 2012

Questions That Haunt Me

from AJDShootist - 

Can you cry under water? 
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? (No, but it's a funny question.)

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? And why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And finally ...
The statistic on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.


Old NFO said...

Good ones... :-)

Julie said...

my head hurts now ....

armedlaughing said...

Sounds as if you are channeling George Carlin...

"Boneless chicken, boned chicken, de-boned chicken, shouldn't there only be two?"


DR said...


On a Wing and a Whim said...

Unfortunately, I have met bubble bath that colored the bubbles. In order to do so, it had enough dye that my skin... I'm sure you can fill in the rest.

Groundhog said...

I'll give you one more.

Why do hospitals have tape that can stick on you virtually forever, yet they continue to use stuff that fails in hours on things that need to not come undone! (like catheters for instance).