19 December 2012

How to Report an Auto Crash in Alaska

As we're going through the dozens of forms required by my wife's recent accident, we found some of the choices unique. There are other choices, of course ... but these are the most Alaskan.

And to answer the obvious question, there's a State form* for reporting an accident, to be mailed to Juneau. This makes little sense until you remember that 90% of Alaska's villages are off the road grid, and most have no local police - and therefore no formal reporting.

Was the collision with:
a) moose
b) animal
c) aircraft
d) snowmachine
e) snow berm
For some reason, this just made us laugh.

Your vehicle configuration:

a) dog sled
b) snowmachine
c) aircraft
d) pedalcycle
e) pedestrian
Pedestrians are considered vehicles? In what universe? Besides, now I'm imagining a report of a dog sled hitting a moose. Or vice-versa. :^)

Location of initial event:
a) bike lane
b) gore
c) outside of trafficway
d) shared-use path
e) unknown

Unknown location? Shouldn't the next question then be, "Were you there at the time the accident occurred?" And what's a gore?

Your vehicle action:
a) avoiding objects in road
b) skidding
c) out of control**
d) other
e) unknown

Again with the "unknown". Listen, if you don't know where the accident occurred, or what your vehicle was doing at the time, there may be a bigger problem than a fender-bender. You can trust me on this.

There's nothing particularly funny about a vehicle collision, but sometimes you just have to laugh.

* You just knew there would be, didn't you? If not, you haven't been paying attention.
** Would anyone actually admit this?


threecollie said...

Thank you Rev. Paul, you plumb made my day

Stephen said...

When you find out what a gore is let us know...

ProudHillbilly said...

Har! Second Stephen's request.

Got a text from my pregnant daughter the other night: "Why does my OB form ask if I'm male or female?"

Rev. Paul said...

threecollie, you're most welcome.

Stephen, according to dictionary.com, a "gore" is "a triangular tract of land, especially one lying between larger divisions." Why it's on the report form, I still have no idea.

PH, that's typical of government-speak, no?

Jenny said...

Ha! That's awesome! :)

Got another one for ya

Well Seasoned Fool said...

What a great picture!

Rev. Paul said...

WSF's right: I love that photo, Jenny!

armedlaughing said...

One from column A, two from column B!
What maroons!

It's a snowmachine on a moose with Colonel Mustard, of course!


Rev. Paul said...

gfa wins the internets!

Old NFO said...

Yep, that's Alaska... sigh...

Rev. Paul said...

NFO, why are YOU sighing? WE'RE the ones who live with it. :^D