16 January 2013

Re-Post: You're Know You're From Alaska When ...


·         You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Moosetard*.
·         The mosquitoes have landing lights.
·         You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. 
·         You have 10 favorite recipes involving moose, halibut or salmon.
·         The hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
·         You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
·         Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
·         You think everyone from the States has an accent. (Well ... they do!)
·         You think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
·         You owe more money on your snowmachine than your car.
·         The local paper covers national and international headlines on a page, but requires six pages for high school sports.
.      A traffic jam can be 12 cars waiting to pass a snowplow.
·         At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
·         The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
·         Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
·         You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
·         You head south to go to your cabin.
·         You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
·         The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.
·         They still give the school lunch report on the morning news.
·         The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. 
·         The newspaper more often has pictures of bears or moose on the cover page, than stories about breaking news.
·         The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo--its sausage making.
·         You find -40F chilly.
·         It's 70 degrees outside in July and you're sweating like a hog.
·         The fishing report is the highlight you're waiting for on the evening news.
·         Wildlife isn't a photo op; just a traffic nuisance.
·         "It's a small state" comes up in a conversation about mutual acquaintances.
·         Monday's morning conversation is more about what you caught, shot or gathered over the weekend.
·         You know what day you're allowed to put on studded tires for the winter.
·         The local news matters more than any national story, because you are ALWAYS directly affected.
·         On October 1st, you enter the office pool to guess the date of the first blizzard.
·         Personal freedom means the opportunity to go fishing on a Tuesday rather than wait for the weekend.
·         Carharrts are the standard against which you weigh all other winter clothing choices.
·         Personal freedom means carrying a gun whenever and wherever you want, no permit needed. 
·         A traffic jam is 12 cars trying to pass a snowplow. (Just thought I'd toss those in there.)


* FTC Disclaimer: Moosetard is an Alaskan product which I'm happy to mention here, as I bought some and enjoyed it. They haven't given me anything, so take off, hosers.

4 comments:

joated said...

Good list! Some, however, apply to small town America down here in the lower 48 too. (Snow filling potholes and the Mayor knowing your first name are two examples.)

Rev. Paul said...

Granted. I could have trimmed the list a bit, but it's funny. :)

maddmedic said...

Thats great....
But everytime I visit your blog...I want to return to Moose Pass, Ak..Why is that??!!

Rev. Paul said...

Because, maddmedic, you are a frustrated Alaskan looking for a way to move here. It's just a matter of time, my friend. :^)