Q. Will we see polar bears in Anchorage?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.
Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks!
A. Yep. We have paved streets, telephones, and everything.
Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?
Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?
Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.
Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.
Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. (My real answer) You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie was really in British Columbia.
Q. But they said it was Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.
Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter-time, and remember to look up.
Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. I don't know; which country are you headed for?
Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.
Q. We want to drive over to Juneau.
A. (Real answer) It's 650 miles from here, and only accessible by air or sea.
Q. But how long would it take to drive?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?
Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.