22 May 2013

Top 25 Ways to Tell You're Getting Older

25. You think "libido" is an Italian pasta.

24. The tooth fairy has more of your teeth than you do.

23. You wake up with that awful "morning after" feeling, but you didn't do anything the night before.

22. You drink prune juice ... on purpose.

21. You start complaining that they build car seats "too darn low".

20. You sit down to breakfast and hear "snap, crackle, pop" ... but you haven't poured the milk yet.

19. You start thinking that Sarasota, Florida is a lot more cutting edge than most people give it credit for.

18. Your pharmacist calls you by your first name.

17. Your sweetie asks, "Wanna neck?" and hands you a piece of chicken.

16. Your car battery's gone dead because your turn signal's been on for two straight weeks.

15. Lawn care has become a big part of your life.

14. You call that place you keep leftovers the "ice box".

13. You begin to think an RV is "one sweet ride".

12. You sit on a park bench, and a Boy Scout offers to help you cross your legs.

11. Conversation with people your age often turns into "dueling ailments."

10. Your sex drive shifted into Park.

9. You can remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

8. At buffets, you complain if they don't have tapioca.

7. You think of a "quickie" as napping at a traffic light.

6. Your back goes out more often than you do.

5. Many of your co-workers were born the year you got your last promotion.

4. You have an uncontrollable urge to feed the pigeons in the park.

3. You play bingo. And you like it.

2. You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers show up with bags of marshmallows.

And the #1 way to tell you're getting older ....

1. You find lists like this tasteless and insensitive!

22 comments:

Cathy said...

Oh goo! I didn't find them tasteless and insensitive!

They're hilarious and tiptoe perilously close to some truths :)

Cathy said...

That would be "good" not "goo" :-D

Duke said...

Ouch, that's cold.

ProudHillbilly said...

I particularly relate to 23, 15, and 13...

Rev. Paul said...

Cathy, you bet they "tiptoe perilously close to some truths" for me, too. Dang it.

Duke, I know. And I resemble far too many of them.

PH, I hear you. Fortunately, my front "yard" only has about 15'x20' of grass - which serves as a place to pile all the snow from the driveway. :)

armedlaughing said...

I was gonna say my libido is overcooked and limp, but that would be tasteless and insensitive.

And, as I'm older that you, let me tell you, you young whippersnapper...

Uh, I forgot :-)

Thanks for the laughs!

gfa

Rev. Paul said...

Don't worry, gfa; if it's important, you'll ... um...

PioneerPreppy said...

Heh the happiest day of my life was when I realized my testosterone level had finally dropped enough my brain actually worked when I was around pretty girls. It was a real eye opening experience. Like did you know women HAD faces just like us guys? I still do not know why they have faces but I know they do now.

Some parts of aging do have advantages.

Rev. Paul said...

Why do they have faces? So they can eat, of course. ;^)

Just hang in there, Preppy; the rest will come to you ... eventually.

Ajdshootist said...

Ouch to close for comfort,and boy are there some there i reckognise.

Rev. Paul said...

ajdshootist, I hear you loud & clear. Almost as loud as my knee popping, and there was something else, too ... if only I can remember what it was. :)

joated said...

Too many close to the truth for comfort. Especially 24, 21, 20, 13, 11,....

Rev. Paul said...

Not that far behind you, joated - and yeah, I'm in a lot of 'em, too.

eiaftinfo said...

You been spying on me Rev.???? :) Yep, any number of these hit a touch too close to home.

Rev. Paul said...

Didn't have to spy on you, eiftinfo - only needed to look in the mirror. Dang it.

Brigid said...

Add to that going to the beach in your bikini and having the Greenpeace people showing up to try and roll you back in the water.

Rev. Paul said...

Now see, Brigid, that wouldn't have occurred to me. :)

MO Bro said...

Well, I can't top any of those, but I'm way too close for comfort! (BYKT!)

DR said...

lol!

Rev. Paul said...

Bro, I understand. Some of us are closer to it than others, BYKT, too. :)

Thanks, DR.

Chris said...

One more:
When an "all nighter" means you didn't get up to pee even once!

An observation:
If you're over 50 and you get up in the morning and nothing hurts, check the obituaries to make sure you're not there!

Rev. Paul said...

Chris, that is so very, VERY true! Not to mention funny ... :)