27 August 2013

Relocating To Pakistan

An Englishman writes to the Prime Minister...

Dear Mr. David Cameron,
I'm planning to move my family and extended family, 28 of us, to Pakistan for my health and I would like to ask you to assist me with this. 
We're planning to simply fly from England to Pakistan for free and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. 
We plan to skip all of the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. 
I'm sure they handle those things in the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Asif Ali Zardari, that I'm on my way over? 
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 
1. Free medical care for my entire family. 
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 
3. All Pakistani Government forms must be printed in English. 
4. I want my grand-kids to be taught Urdu by English speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on English culture and history. 
6. I want my grand-kids to see the English flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grand-kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Pakistani driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Pakistan, but I don't plan to purchase road tax or car insurance, and I won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws. 
10. In case one of the Pakistani police officers does not get the memo from President Zardari to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the English flag from my housetop, put English Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on 25th December.
I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals about my religion or my race and if there are any such comments, I expect the local police to put them in prison for at least 12 months.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labour or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have President Zardari tell all of the Pakistani people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I'll need income tax credits so that although I won't pay Pakistani taxes, I'll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Pakistan Government pays me 4,500.00 pounds to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Pakistan Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly pension cheque in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all of his people who fly to England from Pakistan. I am sure that President Zardari won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

* * * * *
[This sure sounds familiar...]

h/t AJDShootist


Old NFO said...

Err, yeah, right!!!

Rev. Paul said...

I know, I know. But they still do it ... just not for citizens.

Sandy said...

Rev. Paul,

Why would anyone want to move their entire family to Pakistan with all the crap going on?

Rev. Paul said...

Sandy, you may have missed the point: the gentleman was pointing out the inequity of the gov't providing all those things for Pakistani immigrants to England ...

PioneerPreppy said...

Like the illegal immigrants at the Southern Mexican border.

Rev. Paul said...

Exactly, my friend. An open-door/sanctuary destination policy is the same, regardless of whether it's the UK or the US doing it.

armedlaughing said...

Funny how things aren't equal, huh?


Rev. Paul said...

When it concerns the gummint, they never are. (insert wry grin)