13 September 2013

The Brains of Britain

Or not.
Hard to pick a winner here... BRAINS OF BRITAIN  
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers' ?
Contestant:
Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman:
No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.


BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is ?
Contestant:
Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:
There's a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester.


BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World ?
Contestant:
I don't know.
Stewart White:
I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow ?
Contestant:
Arm
Stewart White:
Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant:
Strong.
Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name ?
Contestant:
Louis
Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World ?
Contestant:
Frank Sinatra ?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:
France.
Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon ?
Contestant:
Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.
Contestant:
Paris.

 
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party ?
Contestant:
The Conservative Party.


BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope ?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one.. Is it Jewish ?

 
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi's first name ?
Contestant:
Goosey ?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?
Contestant:
I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

 
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO ? MANCHESTER )
Phil:
What's 11 squared ?
Contestant:
I don't know.
Phil:
I'll give you a clue It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:
Is it five ?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman ?
Contestant:
Forrest Gump.

 
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
On which street did Sherlock Holmes live ?
Contestant:
Er. ... ...
Richard:
He makes bread . .. ..
Contestant:
Er .. ......
Richard:
He makes cakes . .. ..
Contestant:
Kipling Street ?

 
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter:
Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world ?
Contestant:
Barcelona.
Presenter:
I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant:
I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.


 
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question:
What is the world's largest continent ?
Contestant:
The Pacific.


 
ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter:
Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci
Contestant:
Who Framed Roger Rabbit ?


 
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:
What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant:
Magna Carta ?


 
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O'Brien:
How many kings of England have been called Henry ?
Contestant:
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three ?
 

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle:
In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller:
Japan.
Chris Searle:
I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller:
Er ........ Mexico ?

 
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat:
How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last ?
Contestant (long pause):
Fourteen days.


 
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham:
In which country would you spend shekels ?
Contestant:
Holland ?
Daryl Denham:
Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant:
Iceland? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant:
No.

 
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:
What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible ?
Contestant:
Er... .... ...
Phil Wood:
It's got two syllables .. .. . Kor . .
Contestant:
Blimey ?
Phil Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant:
(Silence)
Phil Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant:
Walked ?

 
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes:
What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time ?
Contestant:
Nostalgia.



 
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter:
What religion was Guy Fawkes ?
Contestant:
Jewish.
Presenter:
That's close enough.

 
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright:
Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play ?
Contestant:
Jesus. 


h/t AJDShootist

10 comments:

threecollie said...

Why, yes, I am laughing out loud now. How did you guess. rofl!

Old NFO said...

Too funny! :-)

Ed Bonderenka said...

You're making this up.
Please.

Chickenmom said...

What a great way to start the day - thanks for a good laugh! Who is buried in Grant's tomb? (Sorry, couldn't resist)

armedlaughing said...

Great to see we don't hold the market on stupid!

gfa

Rev. Paul said...

I didn't know whether to be glad that we don't have a unique license on uneducated citizens, or sad because Brits are apparently as ignorant as US folks.

Both, it seems. You're welcome, everyone. :)

joated said...

It's hard to believe these are real answers by real people and not a Monty Python skit of some kind.

Rev. Paul said...

I agree, joated. But since the quotes give sources, it's entirely possible.

Six said...

Wow. Although that nostalgia answer was kinda close :)

Rev. Paul said...

It is close, isn't it? :)