28 October 2013

Police Blotter: He Got There "By Osmosis"

Traffic Crime – Caller reported an erratic driver. Officers later determined the poor driving was due to yet another person attempting to learn to drive.

Suspicious Person/Activity – An intoxicated landlord called to report that his tenant had come into his room uninvited and offered to have sex with him, but had left after he asked her to. An officer advised the drunk to call police when he had an actual crime to report.
Welfare Check – Drunken caller reported receiving a text message from a woman who said she needed help. The woman advised UDPS she was not in need of any assistance and wished the drunken fool who called police would quit calling her.

Weapons – A man who came to UDPS to report a crime entered the facility and failed to inform the officer to whom he was speaking that he was carrying a loaded handgun. Charges pending.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Drunken caller reported that his drunken brother was standing guard at the door to their residence, outside of which someone was allegedly standing. Officers responded and found no indication whatsoever that anyone had attempted to enter the home. The drunks were advised to go to bed.

Assault – Drunken caller reported his drunken brother just attacked him with a walker. Officers attempted to obtain more information from the two drunks but learned primarily that they no longer remembered how much they had had to drink. The drunks were advised, again, to just get along.

Welfare Check – Caller reported seeing a shoeless man with what appeared to be vomit dribbling down his chin wandering aimlessly along the roadway. Officers found an inebriated man matching this description. The man told officers he had arrived at his destination by osmosis, but refused to provide any other information except the name of the place he wished to go. A taxi was called for him.

10 comments:

Well Seasoned Fool said...

We laugh at their misadventures. Sadly, for most people, and the people in their lives, with a drug or alcohol problem, it isn't the least bit funny.

It is called "Demon Rum" for good reason.

Rev. Paul said...

I know, my friend. The stories are funny; the reality often is not.

armedlaughing said...

I was gonna make light of this, but after WSF's comment...

He's right, of course.

gfa

Rev. Paul said...

True enough, Guffaw.

Murphy's Law said...

What's wrong with that landlord? She must have been ugly.

Rev. Paul said...

Anything I say in response would be anticlimactic, so ... :)

ProudHillbilly said...

He could pronounce "osmosis" when that drunk?

Rev. Paul said...

The report doesn't say whether he got it on the first try. Heh.

armedlaughing said...

Maybe his name was Moses, and he was saying, "I's Moses!"

I'm here 'til Friday, try the chicken.

gfa

Rev. Paul said...

It's entirely possible. Or maybe "I'se moseyin'"...

Naw, I like yours better.