So if you'll forgive me for phoning it in, I've pulled up some old Unalaska Police Blotter reports.
Harassment ~ Resident turned over Nigerian hate mail which indicated he was the target of a contract murderer and demanded money to save his life. The resident reported having received such mail in the past.
Welfare Check ~ An intoxicated man phoned police to report he was with another, even more intoxicated man and was worried this second inebriate might fall into the water while trying to step from the dock to his boat. Officers responded and attempted to help the second inebriate onto his boat, only to have him step from dock to air. The hold officers had on him prevented him from going fully into the water. He was eventually loaded onto his vessel and turned over to a sober third party.
Welfare Check ~ Officers responded to a residence from which a 911 hang-up call had been received, and found a motley collection of drunkards who appeared perfectly content with one another's company.
Traffic Crime ~ Officer advised an exceptionally poor driver to continue practicing in an unpopulated area for at least six months before taking her driver's test.
Assault ~ A man reported that while walking down a roadway he had been struck in the chest by another man. The victim did not wish to press charges and just wanted his assailant told that his actions weren't nice.
Drunk Disturbance ~ Officers contacted two intoxicated fisherman who were engaged in a deadly serious game of tug-of-war with a purple tutu, which both of them claimed as their own. Officers suggested they drop both the tutu and the argument, as it hardly seemed worth going to jail over such a flimsy issue.