11 February 2015

21 Things You'd Love to Say at Work

In honor of Hump Day:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're nuts.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Mind if we watch?
4. I'm really easy to get along with, once you learn to accept things my way.
5. I'll try being nicer; can you try being smarter?
6. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
7. No, I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
8. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a thing you're saying.
9. Ahh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
10. I like you: you remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
11. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
12. I have plenty of talent and vision - it's just that I don't care.
13. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
14. I'm not being rude; you're just insignificant.
15. And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ....?
16. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
17. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
18. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. That's how we roll.
19. Too many freaks, not enough circus.
20. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done!


Vicki said...

Rev., you have a wicked sense of humor. I like it.

Rev. Paul said...

Thank you, ma'am. :)

juvat said...

#20 I work in a school. Can we at least agree on a single scent to bathe in?

Rev. Paul said...

juvat - that's a good point. I'm quite grateful to have a private office.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Think I've used several of those in years past. Alas, defective impulse control.

Rev. Paul said...

WSF - me, too. Took me a long time to learn to keep my mouth shut.

OldAFSarge said...

4, 5 and 8. I would love to say those at work. But I do love the paycheck.

Rev. Paul said...

Sarge, I hear you. Paychecks are nice ...

Cathy said...

Tell you what, Rev. Paul. You don't have to be at work to have those apply - in all kinds of situations :)

Rev. Paul said...

I agree, Cathy. It's just so tempting ...

ProudHillbilly said...

#8 happened when my daughter was in Scotland on her 18th birthday. I called the hotel to have flowers delivered to her room and found myself having no clue what the chirpy young thing who answered the phone was saying.

Rev. Paul said...

PH, I dinna ken what ye mean. :)