28 June 2015

In the Near Future

This modern church service, coming soon to a community center near you...





PASTOR: "Praise the Lord!"


CONGREGATION: "Hallelujah!"

PASTOR: "Will everyone please turn on their tablet, notebook, iPad, smart phone, or Kindle Bible to 1st Corinthians 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon."

P-a-u-s-e ...

"Now, Let us pray committing this week into God's hands. Open your apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God."

S-i-l-e-n-c-e ...

"As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church wi-fi using the password 'Lord909887'.

"The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church. Those who prefer to use iPads can open them. Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cellphones to transfer your contributions to the church account. You may text your offerings to 99885. The automatic reply will contain a link to a direct deposit log-in."

The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, notebooks, iPads, Fires and laptops beep and flicker!

Final Blessing and Closing Announcements...

"This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in a few minutes early for special announcements. You don't want to miss out on anything.

"Finally, Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss this, either. You can follow your Pastor on Facebook and Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. God bless you and have nice day!"


h/t MO Bro

8 comments:

Vicki said...

I'm thinking that's closer to the truth than we would like to admit. Makes me long for an old-fashioned tent revival meeting or for the Baptist pastor of my youth, pounding the pulpit, telling us we were all going to hell if we didn't change our ways.

Rev. Paul said...

Vicki, that's true: most churches have either watered down, or completely disregarded, the purpose of proclaiming the truth. It's about Jesus, and how He sacrificed Himself to save us. All we have to do is believe that, and allow Him to have us. As the Bible says, "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9)

It's so simple, it takes a theologian to screw it up. :)

TinCan Assassin said...

And the LORD made a whip out of spyware and viruses and overturned the websites of the moneychangers...

Rev. Paul said...

TCA, that's not bad at all. :)

ShallNOTBeInfringed Original said...

Thanks TCA.....I just spewed the host and the blood out my nose.....

Rev. Paul said...

SNBI O - that's what you get for reading blogs in church ... but that's a whole different sermon. ;^)

escAPEe said...

Five years ago, our church replaced its "prayer chain" with an email distribution group. The families which didn't check email regularly fell out of the loop on announcements, prayer requests and last-minute changes in plans. At that time, everyone seemed to prefer the convenience of electronic contacts instead of phone calls.

The time is coming and may be soon when on-line or electronic contact must replace face-to-face fellowship due to safety or health concerns.

When that happens, church will not be the same.

Rev. Paul said...

escAPEe, I hear what you're saying. And I too can foresee a time coming when Christianity is forced to go underground again. May not be all that long before it happens, either.