06 June 2015

You Know You're From Alaska When ...



·         You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Moosetard*.
·         The mosquitoes have landing lights.
·         You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. 
·         You have 10 favorite recipes involving moose, halibut or salmon.
·         The hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
·         You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
·         Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
·         You think everyone from the States has an accent. (Well ... they do!)
·         You think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
·         You owe more money on your snowmachine than your car.
·         The local paper covers national and international headlines on a page, but requires six pages for high school sports.
.         A traffic jam is 20 cars waiting to pass a snowplow.
·         At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
·         The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
·         Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
·         You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
·         You head south to go to your cabin.
·         You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
·         The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.
·         They still give the school lunch report on the morning news.
·         The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. 
·         The newspaper more often has pictures of bears or moose on the cover page, than stories about breaking news.
·         The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo--it's sausage-making or meat-smoking.
·         You find -40F chilly.
·         It's 70 degrees outside in July and you're sweating like a hog.
·         The fishing report is the highlight you're waiting for on the evening news.
·         Wildlife isn't a photo op; just a traffic nuisance.
·         "It's a small state" comes up in a conversation about mutual acquaintances hundreds of miles away.
·         Monday morning's conversation is more about what you caught, shot or gathered over the weekend.
·         You know what day you're allowed to put on studded tires for the winter.
·         The local news matters more than any national story, because you are ALWAYS directly affected.
·         On October 1st, you enter the office pool to guess the date of the first blizzard.
·         Personal freedom means the opportunity to go fishing on a Tuesday rather than wait for the weekend.
·         Carharrts are the standard against which you weigh all other winter clothing choices.
·         Personal freedom means carrying a gun whenever and wherever you want, no permit needed. 
·          Summer means traffic blocked by RVs, very large boats, and listening to tourists complaining about how they're kept awake by the midnight sun (that they came here to see, in the first place).



* FTC Disclaimer: Moosetard is an Alaskan product which I'm happy to mention here, as I bought some and enjoyed it. They haven't given me anything, so take off, hosers.

5 comments:

deborah harvey said...

hi. lived in winnipeg fora short time.
no autumn. went to be, trees with green leaves. in the morning trees bare, little dried up brown leaves blowing around the sidewalk.
first warm day was sudden. went out in parka. pulled it off immediately.
husband said,'what do you think the temp is?' at least 90 i replied.
people on the street in shirtsleeves, had parkas on just yesterday. me sweating and steaming

husband said, 'it is 30 degrees.'

of course, minus 60 plus 30 equals 90.
felt like ninety degrees to one awash in 60 below for months!

love, deb h.

Rev. Paul said...

Welcome, Deb! That's a very good summary of conditions here, too. After a very cold winter (most years), anything above zero feels like shirt-sleeve weather. :)

drjim said...

Funny but true, I'm sure!

Chickenmom said...

Sounds like I'd love it there, Rev Paul. (sigh)

Rev. Paul said...

Jim, sad (in some cases) but true. :)

Chickenmom, you probably would.