Alaskan repair kit:
|What every Alaskan needs: duct tape, Heet, whiskey, WD-40, pine-scented air fresheners, glue, fishing line, baling wire|
Alaskan army knife:
Swiss army knives are for Europeans. Corkscrews and nail files may come in handy at your chalet in Gstaad, but we Alaskans demand more from our multi-tools. Components are specifically designed to open without making you put down your beverage of choice, and include: pull-tab scratcher, fish bonker, miniature chain saw, windshield squeegee, caribou de-boner, caribou re-boner, extra-strong toothpick reinforced to handle even the most stubborn homemade jerky, and a bolo tie (Don Young signature model only).
Maps a route to the nearest available cinnamon roll within a 1,000-mile radius.
Locates your lost GPS, which you swear you stashed in a dry bag somewhere in your garage, shed, crawl space or storage unit. Although it’s entirely possible you loaned it to any one of 20 people who literally may be anywhere right now.