08 February 2016

Police Blotter: There Be Monsters Here

Drunken homeowner asked that two women be barred from his home for the next year. An officer reminded the drunk that he often makes such requests only to rescind them the next day, and told him to call police again when he's sober if he still wishes to take that course of action.

Suspicious Person/Activity
A drunken man phoned police and said he was naked, cold, and exposing himself to passing vehicles and in need of assistance. He was unable to name or describe his location. Officers searched the common and not so common haunts of naked drunks but did not find the man in question. No other calls were received from the man.

Brother called to report his inebriated sibling had attacked him with a cane. Officers responded to the residence and a witness said no assault had occurred.

Welfare Check
Inebriated brother called to report that something was wrong with his inebriated sibling. Officers responded to the residence and were told that a pretty woman was doing things with his sibling.

Assistance Rendered
[Six hours later - Ed.] Inebriated brother called to report his inebriated sibling had told him to shut up. Officers responded to the residence and found the two were arguing about a pretty woman.

A man reported that $400 had been stolen from his sweatpants while he was sleeping in them. The man's roommates denied taking the money, and none of the missing cash was located. Under investigation.

Suspicious Person/Activity
Driver reported a stumbling, apparently intoxicated man in the roadway. Officers found the inebriate in question sitting on the side of the roadway and ensured that he was capable of walking the remaining 200 yards to his residence.

Welfare Check
Officer checked the airport terminal after multiple 911 calls were received from a pay phone at that location. The officer was told by one child that another child had seen a monster and so had phoned 911. The officer did not find any of the aforesaid monsters in the terminal.


Old NFO said...

LOL, I'd love to see if the reports would be the same if they all dried out up there!

Rev. Paul said...

NFO - sans alcohol, it's just another page from a small-town police department. I posted one non-alcohol version a few months ago, and it received the fewest hits ever. :)

Well Seasoned Fool said...

They start them young there, don't they?

Rev. Paul said...

WSF - I note that the blotter doesn't mention alcohol on the part of the young'uns, but given the venue ...

Chickenmom said...

Special safe zones for naked drunks - Wow - Alaska sure is friendly! Just love these reports! :o)

Rev. Paul said...

Chickenmom, we're constantly amazed by the way the Unalaska police handle these calls. Offenses which would result in jail time in larger places are just "go home and sleep it off" things there. Granted, we didn't know about "common haunts for naked drunks", either.