23 February 2016

Top 10 Buzzwords Heard at the Office

10. Best Practice - A method that supposedly gives the best result for everyone, but only ever works for the person preaching it.

 9. Giving 110% - Giving more than the normal effort, which is dumb because you can't do more than 100%.

 8. Opportunities -  Places to seek improvement OR Places where you constantly screw up.

 7. Innovation - The idea you are coming up with something new, but would be impossible to implement.

 6. Accountability - The idea you can be trusted, but your manager will never see you that way.

 5. Vision Statement - A statement about how a company sees itself and where it wants to go, but it makes no sense and provides no method of accomplishing the goal.

 4. Performance Management - Managing one's performance even though nobody knows what you do or gives you guidance on how to gauge your performance.

 3. High Level - An explanation that makes things sound easier than they really are.

 2. Empowerment - The idea that you have the power to do something - but you really can't.

 1. Synergy - NO ONE knows what this means but acts like they do.


Well Seasoned Fool said...

Glad I'm retired. Anyone using those terms I would tune out.

Best owner I worked for would say this.

"This is what I want done".
"This is when I want it done".
This is how I want it done".

After that he only wanted to hear one of two things

"It is done".
"It is not done because.....".

Once ran a three year project for him spending North of $1.5 million. During that three years we talked about the project for less than an hour.

Rev. Paul said...

I've long suspected that most of the people using those terms had no idea what they meant, other than in a vague contextual sense. Makes me tune out, too.

Sounds like the owner you mentioned was a great leader. The guy who hired me for my current job (and who recently passed away) was much like that.

Old NFO said...

Buzzword bingo... sigh

Rev. Paul said...

I know, NFO. If there's anything good at all to come out of such things, it's that everyone will laugh about it, years from now. For example, remember "ongoingly viable"? Or "at this point in time"?

Chickenmom said...

Ah, the 'vision statement'! They tell you want they want but don't give you the tools to do it with. Like WSF said, glad I am retired.

Rev. Paul said...

Chickenmom, I've frequently noted that vision statements tend to be so nebulous that they're not really possible to follow. Retirement sounds better than ever.